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Ode To A Coward








Ode To A Coward


I see your greedy smile/
It gets my heart beating wild/
Egregious tyrant/
Sleeping mindless/
Believe me I just/
What to see you writhing/
On the ground deeply sliced in/
A few pieces piled in/
A receding flight bin/
To be released at my sig-/
Nal, relief will find me/
Singing lively/
Instead of weeping nightly/
Because my knees are wiping/
Invisible/
Windows full/
Of torment while buckling, preach that fiery/
Pits await this beast inside me/
Left by your discreet enticing/
Of my innocent belief in times we/
Were separated/
From the rest, you decimated/
My head and safety/
With stress and anger/
My pen and paper/
Would step and make the/
Ordeal better when I grew upset and pained cause/
The wind demonstrated/
A new direction, I'm led astray just/
As I said I made it/
Past obsessive hatred/
Cause there are days that/
I want to take your chest and cave it/
In, ventilate it/
With a bent serrated/
Knife, I was devastated/
Days melt and fade when/
I'm caught in the throes of this mental state and/
I wish I could enter sacred/
Texts to send away this/
Depressive way that/
I'm existing, repent in faith and/
Stay abreast of changes/
And the medications/
I need, like sweat and taming/
Of that lesser basement/
Holding primal feelings, addressing safe words/
For when I sever, straining/
The pressure claiming/
My perspective waning/
And you're in incessant danger/
I'm flexing major/
On the threats you made cause/
Your breath is rage in/
My perpetual flaming/
Dread and painful/
Memories, you're dead and baking/
Underneath several layers/
Of my accepted paydirt/
Deny what happened/
I'm finally laughing/
As you spiral down and/
The crime surrounds you/
Light will hound you/
No more, I'll tie your hands with/
Spiteful bands and/
All types of planned/
Desires found in/
The unrivaled ashes/
Of the mind that shattered/
When you sliced and hammered/
The mindful glances/
Of a righteous man when/
He was a minor grasping/
At straws after you spiked his value/
And he cried to statues/
Of the innocence you sacrificed to have him/
But as I strike the match you/
Left behind I see the dying clown you/
Have become/
And that's enough/
For me to place this on the pyre and move/
Let you drown in whiskey/
Mouth a pissing/
Pot for the vacuous mystery/
Of why you had to pick me/
But it doesn't mean shit now, you're history/
You coward, listening/
I'm about to hit these/
Points and let you be devoured quickly/
By the past you simply/
Neglected to answer with me/
Your spectre's vanquished/
Youre entertainment/
I tune in at every breaking/
News scene to see you press your case with/
The mental pace of/
A disheveled vagrant/
Bled and hanging/
Dead and waiting/
For the next debasement/
You can get away with/
I'm barely playing/
Along, only to penetrate this/
Unrepentant slave with/
A metal grate cause/
You'll be locked up soon, whether contained in/
A prison cell and praying/
For release or held in chains in/
Your own mind, my settled blatant/
Choice is for the second place that/
I said, because you've been away there/
For awhile now, at center stage in/
My head, but now I bless you greatly/
Cause you don't know about the suicidal/
Truths that I know/
Who could find those/
Groping in the darkness for a noose to tie up/
To free you, a lucid time those/
Prudent items/
We called bluish Bibles/
Could move and shine so/
Brightly, clues to line up/
And boost me right up/
Gloomy silence/
Would loosen, pry those/
Parts of me looming, climbing/
Over your useless fire/
But the glue had dried so/
The groove would slide in/
And zoom me right to/
Trauma/
And all of/
The monsters/
That became a constant/
Foster/
Family, bonded/
With me, honest/
The topic/
Is that you don't know the problems/
You caused and/
The toxic/
Stain you left on my heart and/
I'm guarded/
You halted/
Better days for me, stopped it/
You walked in/
Took my peace of mind and stomped it/
Out like a campfire/
It had dire/
Conse-/
Quences/
I'm suspended/
Over unpolished/
Pawns in/
My own chess game/
And I meant they/
Would make me ponder/
The loss of/
Something you could never gain/
And I weathered pain/
Just to spread your name/
And make you remember day/
In and day out, your unfettered shame/
Your tethered base/
Is in a better place/
And I've been amazed/
Because though I was led astray/
By a mental case/
I forgive you, because this chess has made/
Me a renegade/
You'll no longer have a rented space/
In my head, just a maze/
Of haunting things/
I'm wandering/
Through to set ablaze/
You can remain/
Because you'll always be a clever waste/
Of leased time/
To remind/
Me to please shine/
And leave relics splayed/
Out where they belong/
Forgot/
Under several waves/
Of obsessive dazed/
Behavior/
That we paid for/
Now I sleep way more/
Because I don't bleed pacing/
Instead I celebrate/
And venerate/
My demon's resting place/

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My Story Of Sexual Abuse

For J. Find peace.



The first time it happened was around the end of 1999. My Mom and my Aunt were busy prepping everything for the holidays, and my older cousin begged to babysit me. Looking back, though there was nothing that indicated what he would do to me, I now find it odd that he showed so much extra attention towards me. In the days prior, when all of the kids played whatever trivial games we dreamed up, he would go out of his way to ruin my fun. I remember one instance where we were playing Heads Up 7-Up or something similar, and though my head was down, he stopped the game and said that I was peeking at the other players, something banned by the rules. "No I didnt!", I protested. "Yeah you did, I seen you!", he'd reply mockingly. My two front teeth stuck out prominently due to a mix of bad genetics and awkward dental work, and I told one of my other cousins, in jest, that I'd gladly trade my teeth for hers. We laughed, until I heard him behind us.…