Justin Razor and the World

Humiliate me/
You feel you hate me/
Your egos bruised and aching/
Because I prove youre faking/
Lose the changing/
Useless faces/
Youre used to placing/
Over your stupid wasted/
Souls, two-bit fakers/
Im cruising, waiting/
To encounter you in my arena/
Despite the grievance/
You try to impede the/
Path with, Id like to see the/
Type of fever/
You get when were about to fight and bleed cause/
You bite off eager/
Yet cant try to eat it/
When you collide with me just/
Remember all the hype you believed in/
Cause my allegiance/
Is to myself only/
Ive felt lonely/
In the past and that showed me/
That all the bad thrown me/
Is not my last hope be-/
Cause Im back, owning/
That torment, so clasp both knees/
Because I see that shaking, you sad phony/
If you had known me/
Youd understand closely/
Why I get mad solely/
For a small reason, I grasp posing/
Ready to attack focused/
Im trapped soulless/
About broken/
But I no longer lack doses/
Of humanity, that dope that/
Would laugh, zoning/
In on…

My past has been dredged up/
Ive been set up/
But Im fed up/
I guess the/
Executioners coming to disconnect my head from/
My neck cause/
Ive forgotten what my pen does/
To the best of/
People, Ive lead the/
Horse to water but its refusing to quench a/
Thirst that wont let up/
Ive been sent from/
The kingdom to the bottom of hell just/
To crawl my way back, eternally climbing/
You curse me and whine, please/
Stop, this isnt purgery fighting/
To prove that it doesnt carry the smell of/
Me burning and lying/
Dont be rash and just end trust/
Youre obsessed cause/
My admissions are a nest of/
Breadcrumbs/
You think/
Will lead/
To a fortress of pent up/
False beliefs/
That Ive decieved/
You with, babygirl pick your head up/
Ive confessed from/
Every corner of my heart and Im bent from/
Dents from/
This inquisition/
Just listen/
This is us, amidst love/
No more second guessing/
I bet youre wretching/
At the sentiment in/
These lyrics, but recollect it/
The meddling question/
Has intent to me…

You set me free/
I expected things/
To be better, we/
Worked through the upsetting peaks/
Incredibly/
Our energies/
Coalesced into a centered theme/
Our destinies/
Might not be spent with ease/
But if youre meant for me/
Then our memories/
Wont fade/
So show faith/
And hope days/
Come, where were perpetually/
Clad in gloss/
In our Babylon/
As vagabonds/
As we praddle on/
As the madness wrought/
Makes us glad we fought/
Cause I have the thought/
That if youre next to me/
Then I can rest in peace/
Cause youre the best, indeed/
And its unsettling/
And it levels me/
The thought of complete silence/
My diseased mind is/
A leaf flying/
Through an uncertain haze, yet a brief shining/
Comes through, the grief binds me/
I reach blindly/
Out, and she finds me/
Deep slices/
Through my heart, relief kindly/
Meets my needs/
I look up, and breathe lively/
She greets shyly/
And I think why me/
To be freed finally/
Then a cool breeze reminds me/
Because Ive walked on eggshells/
For too long, not to s…

Fatigue sets in/
I bleed excessive/
A dream destined/
To be a weapon/
I wield with esteem and dreadful/
Belief and obsession/
A weakling blessed with/
A beating, fenced in/
Heart, feeding relentless/
I need to end this/
But Im too terrified/
I swear that Ive/
Been here before, the air that I/
Breathe slowly flares and fries/
And before I parish I/
Terrorize/
Myself to verify/
Where the error lies/
A scary time/
In a life snuffed like a candle/
Erupt and take a handful/
Enough to leave and dabble/
Disgusted with the mantle/
That Im forced to assume/
Born and introduced/
Too early, scorned and a recluse/
The form that I will choose/
Is a thorn that will reduce/
The adorned and astute/
Ignore me as I snoop/
Around, tormented and mute/
And Ill go unnoticed/
Some focus/
That I have, trust no slick/
Bastard/
Galavanting/
Around and just hope that/
Youre done poking/
Where youre shunned, broken/
Disrupt choking/
On the emptiness/
And petty shit/
And come closer/
Because youre my vitality/
My…

So far I’ve lost about 7 friends. If these were just the hollow, disjointed separations jumping from the back of my social media accounts, I would merely swat them away like flies. However, these people aren’t avatars, soulless entities I’ll never interact with outside the domicile of cyberspace. Rather, I’ve known them all since I was 12 years old. We’ve grown up together, kept in close contact, considered each other a tight knit group, and heralded our bond as a sign that true friends do stay in touch after graduation. This group included former lovers, athletes I’ve bled in the ring with, and some of the brightest young intellectuals I had the privilege of knowing. Now our grasp on each other, increasingly tenuous as the event loomed over us, is severed forever, and, according to them, I am the sole reason why. What, you may ask, is my abominable, unforgivable sin? I voted for Donald Trump, and they don’t like that. It offends them, the carriers of fatally delicate sensibilities. C…

Certain pain never really abdicates your heart, it merely recedes its insidious tendrils. You try valiantly to resist the urge to cry suddenly, chalking it up to weakness, fear, and lack of fortitude. But eventually, you stop pretending to be made of steel, and succumb to your feelings reluctantly. The sobbing is stifled first, barely audible gasps caught in an aching throat worn raw from all the anguished shouting. Your breathing grows laborious as you struggle to maintain a semblance of dignity, fighting to continue gulping air greedily before the current of gargantuan emotion inevitably overtakes you. Your entire being is racked with raw, unfiltered pain, resonating through the vast, cavernous expanse once occupied by your soul. Your heart yearns maddeningly for what youve lost, reaching out constantly, vainly in all directions, before settling down into reluctant acceptance. The piece of you that was stolen by cruel, harsh life will never return, nor will anything of substance rec…

I wonder how your day was. I picture you according to the vivid visualizations you feed me exasperatedly. You scramble intently up the side of a helicopter, face grimacing, hands clenching down on life itself as you struggle to find some security during the climb. You laugh joyously with your new friends, the ones you feared you would never make, for what reason I can’t contemplate, your reasoning forever lost to my assumptions. Your hair whips back fiercely, stealing the light from the descending sun, the energy matching the fire in your seductive, ferocious eyes, and I long to bathe in that light another night. I remember the evenings we spent huddled around the warmth of a lit cigarette, dead to the world yet alive in our exile. Confined to base egregiously and unjustly for a crime you didn’t commit, you stood steadfast with inhuman grace and inspiring resoluteness, showing yourself to be stronger than I could ever be. You praised me for standing by you throughout the unjust ordeal…

Sitting in my favorite sports bar enjoying some rare alone time (hi baby), Im struck by the overwhelming idiocy running rampant, all due to a baseball game. Yet, in the midst of all the excessive cheering, obnoxious shouting and overwhelmingly loud decibel levels, Im stricken by the sense of overarching community. Life can be hard, difficult and arduous, so joining together in a tribe with your fellow men and women can be cathartic, a kind of barricade between us and a world devoid of love. Or maybe Im just waxing a bit too poetically. Ive been reading "The Autobiography of Giacomo Cassanova", history's foremost seducer. The libertine lifestyle has always appealed to me, not just the sexual aspects, but the sensuous appeal of existence itself. All knowledge is worthwhile, all experience deep and fulfulling. As a writer, you are little more than a medium, taking in thoughts, ideas and conversations with essential alacrity, before carving them into the sheer rock wall of t…

On days like these Im plagued annoyingly by an insatiable sense of boredom. I have nothing to do at work, my duties having been delegated away to the new, fresh young blood long ago. This new system is familiar yet alien to me, and despite my best attempts to familiarize myself with its unique traits, I constantly come up short. Normally, this wouldnt be an issue, rather it would be welcomed enthusiastically. I know no greater joy as a technician than to acquaint myself with a previously insurmountable problem and to, through a remarkable mix of ingenuity, grit and perserverance, dismantle it skillfully until it falls to pieces at my feet, thoroughly conquered and all of its available knowledge gleaned. Its this characteristic that earned me several favors over many months at sea and a letter of reccommendation from a retired Mustang Officer should I ever seek a commission. While in our current condition, however, such an attribute can be abused and miscast. Rather than integrating my…