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Showing posts from May, 2016


This corpse is bloated/ Ive known the growth that/ Ive taken on is more than Id hoped when/ Id left home, forlorn and torn with/ My heart in too many places/ Erase this/ Past and restore my home when/ I returned alive/ Just to find/ The past had died/ And Id/ Be scorned and so pissed/ A decision born in moments/ When I could barely form the focus/ To make a decision/ I dismissed it/ Her love was eaten in a swarm of locusts/ I swore Id hold it/ My heart before the war had froze it/ Ive poured this old shit/ Out of my soul/ Back in control/ But soulless/ And now Im so pissed/ My love Ive thrown it/ Out but closure/ Wont come cause this blowing/ Wind breeze/ Skinning me/ Literally/ Leers at me/ Fucker you chose this/ Im like a sophist/ Nothing exists but me so I know that/ If I keep moving/ And see the sewing/ Of something new then I can own it/ A drifting freak/ Listlessly/ Trying to fill the void you had to dig in me/ Despicably/ Youre ripping t

Lost Love

I tried to recapture/ What we were after/ I was seething mad cause/ I was bleeding faster/ While she was a cheating bastard/ Believed Id have her/ Back if Id changed my ways/ I displayed the great/ Things Id done but we still remained the same/ No state to blame/ It took 3 in total/ Illinois, Florida, then Virginia seized the throat of/ Our love and squeezed it closed for/ The last time, then released it choking/ Deceased and broken/ I thought that Id need that moment/ To breathe ambrosia/ So I could get even a degree of closure/ But this scene is over/ Yet you remain, an echo/ I bet those/ Emotions wont disappear, Im not forgetful/ Could I forgive those/ Indiscretions/ And bet that/ I could take bandages, and rip those/ Off/ Not double crossed/ Stumbling, lost/ From the get go/ I dont trip though/ Because your jagged edges/ Have stabbed remembrance/ Right down its breast and/ Slammed my penance/ Down in a random semblance/ Dismantled treasures/ Are

Afternoons in the bookstore with my Mother

What I would give. To spend an afternoon with you at the bookstore. Lazily languishing languidly, exploring new worlds with the birth of each fresh page. Iced tea melting, leaving rings of melted water. An echo of what once was. Id give all that Ive created since. To regress back to 14, innocent and scared, your beauty my eternal, vigilant light. My fingers clutching a book powerfully, its spine caressing my thigh. As I excitedly ruffle its contents, absorbing the words. I find my voice whilst basking in your love. Rain drops attack the stained glass window hurriedly. Producing the same sound as nimble fingers tapping the skin of a bongo drum. "Here, darling", you sing angelic, as the conforting warmth of hot chocolate heats my ruddy cheeks. My stack of books fills my peripherals, but I can still make out your smile. Im overseas, at the bookstore. A world away from the world I love, my fingers gripping yours tightly. Because Im still that child. He's ju

Goodnight, world

Larceny/ Well pardon me/ For startling/ Your tarnished dreams/ A part of me/ Is obnoxiously/ Drawing these/ Idiots towards me/ For performing/ Ungarnished deeds/ Because this is my poetry/ It noticed me/ Flowing free/ A slowly freezed/ Unloved and broken thing/ Woe is me/ Because Ive choked my screams/ For too long/ Now theyve moved on/ To my exposed instincts/ To become exploding me/ Groping meek/ Trying to find sanctuary/ You claim to scare me/ But Im safe and bearing/ Now ill will towards your faithless envy/ Days are bending/ Your will while Im chained and desperate/ Stay and set this/ Painful memory/ Up so I can reclaim my destiny/ A devastating reverie/ Has shaken me/ Im faithfully/ Making these/ Hateful demons/ Breathe in/ Heathen/ Air and stay away from me/ Maybe we/ Can stay and be/ Crazily/ Cradling/ Out native bleak/ Futures hastily/ Dont make me blink/ These tears from my eyes/ To summarize/ Im done with lies/ Trust in light/

Just wait

If Im alone/ On my own/ I might know/ The reason so try some/ Tight growth/ To remind me/ Why these/ People try me/ Because I might be/ Reminding/ Them of their trifling/ Desires see/ I can be/ Everything you could never be/ Incredibly/ Betting these/ Enemies/ Are still testing me/ Treading these/ Streets carefully/ Unbearably/ Tearing these/ Paritys/ For the sake of clarity/ The air in me/ Is an error see/ Arrogantly/ Pairing me/ With rarer things/ Like love lost/ Some bossed/ These things out of me but I crushed all/ Opposition/ Stopped to listen/ And jumped off/ Of the bridge I burned/ When will these bitches learn/ To sit and churn/ Over choices that split and burn/ Its painful/ Im not able/ To drop names cause/ Ive got change to/ Embrace/ And this place/ Is just great/ For my distaste/ You ingrate/ Just wait/

Find Myself

Im finding myself/ Im indecisive as hell/ But I might just need help/ Reached higher on shelves/ Out of my reach and now Im trying to fail/ Because Im biting at welts/ Left behind by the belt/ Perspiring well/ Into the day because of the unrivaled hand I was dealt/ Im fighting with veils/ That wont be lifted/ Expose your innards/ And Ill show you prison/ I know youll listen/ If I choke on lyrics/ That hold you with them/ Through the darkness of your encroaching visions/ Disrobe your wishlist/ And Ill know you simply/ Because youre innocent/ When were intimate/ So will you just/ Emote and kiss me/ Well elope and with these/ Ill phone my mysteries/ And we'll be thrown through this deep/ Ocean/ Growing/ Through a soulless morning/ Bold and yearning/ While my cold hearts turning/ It takes its toll this burning/ As life unfolds our journey/ Take my hand/ We'll reclaim our chance/ At breaking bands/ That enslave and brand/ All that you change and
Her hair was long and silken/ She talked and instant-/ Ly I stopped to listen/ She said your walk is missing/ Something its got to have with it/ She said drop the bitch that/ Youre carrying on top of mixin/ Emotions/ Throw them/ Away and dont remove your frosted vision/ You could have a girl like me if youd just let go/ Of that upset ho/ I bet those/ Twinges of love you still feel/ Arent real/ Outside of your deaf zone/ Shes got you depressed so/ Move on and accept bro/ That she was faking/ I know your heart is breaking/ But dont text those/ Love poems/ You know that/ She doesnt deserve the best of/ You, and with that she stood up/ And I put up/ My anguish/ And embraced this/ Beauty, I should of/ Let the past go and not cripple me/ Simply/ Let life be life and all its mystery/ Im picturing/ What I could be, if I would no longer pitifully/ Sit on these/ Urges/ But murder/ My aversion to the fear in me/ Ripping these/ Limitations out and clearing th

A Letter For My Older Brother

Im following the breadcrumbs/ That you set up/ For me to follow instead of/ The path more trodden, who knows where Ill end up/ I guess the/ Only way to find out is to fetch some/ Walking shoes/ And walk with you/ Through the breath of/ Uncertainty, and when I feel left out/ Or let down/ With the course my life is taking/ I remember you saying/ That things are spread out/ To test out/ New opportunities and delve down/ Deep into a fresh wound/ And stretch out/ Cause growth is found in pain/ And this change/ Is good for me, so live great/ And dont go insane/ Trying to control it/ Cause the more that/ You storm in/ Angrily the more moments/ You give up and forfeit/ The torment/ You feel is normal/ But never let the pain border/ On unendurable or torture/ Endure the/ Worst of it but give back/ And with that/ Youd sit brash/ And lay down a sick track/ In that/ Moment I knew you were my brother/ But tragically some of/ These events have thrown us both as

Machinations Of An Exhausted Mind

Im laying here fruitlessly, an insomniac in search of a knockout punch. I can sense exhaustion encroaching on me, but whether through my own strength or its own perverted sense of humor, it wont overtake me. I long to close my eyes and have rest envelop me. I have no desire to dream. I do that enough during the day, and all of my energies are focused on the transmutation and actualization of those daylight reveries into reality. The zeal that forces me to pursue my passions with ardor and tirelessness also saps me of my energy by nightfall. While I will always believe that it is of way more practicality to work yourself to the bone in pursuit of your goals rather than simply exist in a hopeless state of purposelessness, sometimes you simply need to unplug and recharge. Today was one of those days of relaxation and reclamation.  After giving so much of myself to the Navy, Ive been transferred to a post that has cut my working hours to a fraction of what they were. In a sadistic way, m


Tonight I have a confession to make. It may come as a shock, but Ive finally mustered and captured the required courageousness to admit it. Im terminally ill and completely incurable. My affliction has caused me to spend thousands of dollars, some of my own, but mostly my parents throughout my childhood and adolescence, and occasionally when home on leave. Its forced me into self imposed exile and lengthy bouts of solitude and crippling introspection. It causes me to hallucinate vividly and spend entirely too much time inside my own head. To this blogs 3 readers (Hi Dubai and Russia! I see you! Shoutout to the beautiful Anastasia C), I have come to the earth shattering realization that I am an unrepentant, hopelessly addicted bibliophile. When not shackled and chained in navy blue or occupied by social obligations, I can be found stalking the shelves of bookstores like a drug addled vagrant. Some of the fondest memories of my childhood involve sequestering myself away from friends an

Under The Cover Of Night

 The world is sleeping, but Im wide awake. Ive always been nocturnally inclined, a creature of the night more comfortable cohorting in the darkness then laying shiftless and lazily in the light. Ever since I was a kid, I had a dormant sense that things come alive while the rest of the world slumbers. This has only emerged more and more as Ive grown older, my proclivities matching an encroaching evening, getting shadier and blacker as I reach greater levels of maturity. Or, supposed to be reaching them anyway. People show who they really are under the light of the moon, and passions that lay submissive and restrained during the day burst free from captivity when drenched in moonlight. The masks we wear are free to be cast aside whilst we dance in the dark, and if were lucky they will have been permanently lost come the breaking dawn. The world shifts and reality bends to the hidden desires of those participating in the often illicit fun. If a party during the day is marked by contagious

Dream Girl

She came to me in a dream last night. This time I was in a sparsely planted garden that reeked of nostalgia. I heard her giggling first, light and floating, inviting me to her with the promise of more. She wore an otherworldly scent, flowery and pungent, earthen and natural. In my peripherals, a solitary green eye appeared through a crack in the foliage. Within that eye was innocence, intoxicating, passionate infatuation, and the promise of a future I could dedicate myself to, an idyllic vision I would gladly submit myself to the pursuit and eventual realization of. "Come here baby!", she squeals, disappearing from the slit in my dense green prison. "Wait!", I shout, but her name falls from my mouth before my tongue can begin tracing the syllables. Ive known her for 10 years, yet Ive never learned her name. As she flees, I have the chance to breathe her in fully. She wears a scanty white sundress, long, sun kissed legs billowing out seductively and deliciously benea