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Remembrance

This corpse is bloated/
Ive known the growth that/
Ive taken on is more than Id hoped when/
Id left home, forlorn and torn with/
My heart in too many places/
Erase this/
Past and restore my home when/
I returned alive/
Just to find/
The past had died/
And Id/
Be scorned and so pissed/
A decision born in moments/
When I could barely form the focus/
To make a decision/
I dismissed it/
Her love was eaten in a swarm of locusts/
I swore Id hold it/
My heart before the war had froze it/
Ive poured this old shit/
Out of my soul/
Back in control/
But soulless/
And now Im so pissed/
My love Ive thrown it/
Out but closure/
Wont come cause this blowing/
Wind breeze/
Skinning me/
Literally/
Leers at me/
Fucker you chose this/
Im like a sophist/
Nothing exists but me so I know that/
If I keep moving/
And see the sewing/
Of something new then I can own it/

A drifting freak/
Listlessly/
Trying to fill the void you had to dig in me/
Despicably/
Youre ripping these/
Attempts up as I sit up weak/
Religiously/
I kill the dreams/
Like propoganda/
A stalking phantom/
Lost and dragging/
Me along unwillingly/
I snip the strings/
In my heart connecting to me to all your/
Critiques of what my faults were/
I walk forward/
And destroy your stalwart/
Lost form/
Cut loose off shore/
And as our vessel finally sinks/
I cry and blink/
Away the tears because Ill always think/
Of your time with me/
As blindingly/
Bright to me/
Im flying free/
Finally/
No longer trifling/
Over needless crimes that we/
Accused each other of frighteningly/
But if I can see/
The horizon then I can breathe/
Silently/
My air no longer labored/
By the encumbering anger/
Of our love, an infant strangled/
In its manger/
And later/
When the pain has/
Ebbed and abated/
Ill be waiting/
For the day that/
This hatred/
Will appear again so I can face it/

So youve come to visit me in my new life/
I knew Id/
Make this acquaintance again, please, come through my/
Improved sights/
So I can see how youve grown too/
I know you/
Wonder about me sometimes, cause both shown who/
We really our in our absence/
And the fact is/
What happened/
Wasnt as tragic/
As we thought it was when it captured/
You in renewal/
And me in the loop of/
Depression/
Apprehension/
Regression/
Then acceptance/
Im refrshed and/
Weve proven/
That the youth that/
We dedicated to each other was useful/
The truth is/
Part of me will always long for our Suisun/
The Gino that you knew/
Is so far removed from/
The angsty kid/
You saved with crisp/
Love in the swoop of/
Your purity/
I furiously/
Had to pursue you/
We moved through/
Those stages with grace as I seduced you/
But you do/
Things that Im still not used to/
Your wind blew through/
My heart and right in you moved/
And who knew/
If the path Id choose threw/
You into hysterics/
But youd grin and bear it/
Even if its tearing/
Right through you/
Just like that I was gone too soon/

But if I have perfect hindsight/
Then I might/
Recite my/
Lessons learned/
I bled and worked/
Hard for these, so fuck you if you find my/
Revelations harsh/
The change I brought/
To myself defines my/
Personality/
The worst is out of me/
So be happy we/
Both missed out on a wild ride/
Because in the solitude/
I fought the truth/
For so long that it stopped and drew/
Its gun and said no more talking shrew/
Hit me and poured knowledge through/
My mottled bruised/
Pride and walked me through/
How strong I am/
Ive slaughtered stress/
At uncharted depths/
While under constant view/
The coddled mess/
I was was dropped and kept/
Me on the deck/
So I could dodge the nonsense noose/
Cause when you carry the/
Barriers/
Out at sea on a carrier/
You get wearier/
When the ships rocking, its scarier/
Then anything youve seen, but not if you/
Go out in the middle of the night and ask why isnt the water blue/
As suicide/
Runs through your mind/
And you remind/
Yourself that youre the pilot groomed/
For survival/
You thrive on/
The nights song/
And rely on you/
Solely/
You only/
Record these/
Thoughts if theyre positive, cause you alone are defining you/
So fuck negativity/
Theres a will in me/
That fears no tyranny/
Emotional or near to me/
Because its not real to me/
Ill conquer/
As long as/
I never falter/
In my resolve and prosper/
I havent forgot her/
So I thank you/
For making me face you/
Face truth/
Head on and reclaim youth/
It takes two/
To break doom/
Down, Ive see the worst in me/
And adversity/
I crave it/
I tame it/
So search for me/

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