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"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." - John 15:18

We all experience loneliness, doubt and instability. While these emotions may seem trivial to others, whether they're woefully out of touch with their own hearts or ignorant enough to believe themselves above feeling anything at all, know that you're not alone. Whether zealously Christian or staunchly Atheist, nobody should be besieged by their own thoughts and afraid of their own minds. I may post intermittently due to work and the general chaos of daily life and all of its requisite accoutrements, but, rest assured, I read every email. I love ya'll. Youre never alone.

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My Story Of Sexual Abuse

For J. Find peace.



The first time it happened was around the end of 1999. My Mom and my Aunt were busy prepping everything for the holidays, and my older cousin begged to babysit me. Looking back, though there was nothing that indicated what he would do to me, I now find it odd that he showed so much extra attention towards me. In the days prior, when all of the kids played whatever trivial games we dreamed up, he would go out of his way to ruin my fun. I remember one instance where we were playing Heads Up 7-Up or something similar, and though my head was down, he stopped the game and said that I was peeking at the other players, something banned by the rules. "No I didnt!", I protested. "Yeah you did, I seen you!", he'd reply mockingly. My two front teeth stuck out prominently due to a mix of bad genetics and awkward dental work, and I told one of my other cousins, in jest, that I'd gladly trade my teeth for hers. We laughed, until I heard him behind us.…

Death Row

Death Row




I cant sleep/
Because these damn bleat-/
Ing fat sheep/
Harass me/
With thoughts of home everlasting/
They ask me/
If I'm doubting/
Whether I'll be happi-/
Er back there or out be-/
Ing the bad dream/
I've been to half the peop-/
Le I've known, just last week/
I slapped, beat/
Down three/
Annoying ass teens/
For laughing/
As I watched a movie slammed, beat/
After a savage week/
At work, I found these/
Hands swing-/
Ing grabbing/
Necks to gash and ring/
While attacking/
Panicking/
I stand, shriek/
And pass weak/
Guards, they cant catch me/
Tragedy/
Befalls actually/
Facts and brief/
Glass meet-/
Ings with a pastor week-/
Ly leaves me/
Seeking/
A deity/
To help free me/
But they keep me/
In this cage weeping/
Scheming/
To beat these/
Screws/
Loose/
Unleashing/
Rage when they leash me/
Up like a dog, deep things/
Run through my head underneath these/
Veins running varicose/
My demons seem/
To always be very close/
Air and smoke/
Are an errant joke/
The mirror p…

Skin

Skin






After I was molested/
I'd come to know whether/
Or not I would be broke, festering/
Or if my sole pleasure/
Would be to not choke every/
Time he came around, I was so sheltered/
By the cold weather/
That love wouldn't clothe severed/
Limbs, amputated/
After patient/
Dancing, waiting/
For the foreboding entrance/
Of arose questions/
Like why'd you do it/
Were you alright through it/
Whyd you hide truth when/
I cried, rumin-/
Ating on the times, rooms and/
Denied clueless-/
Ness on these kinds of movements/
A child zoomed a-/
Way from quite ruthless-/
Ly, and to my students/
Studying these words, I'm the light proving/
You can/
Survive too if/
You dig deep and slice, booming/
Your voice, cause I've used it/
To strengthen myself, the tide's boosting/
Me up, and if you write to me/
I'm happy saying/
That I'm saving/
Others from suicide, through these/
Lines clueing/
You into divine music/
And to my detractors/
Reacting/
In deep packs of/
Steep madness…