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Thirteen

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Death Row

Death Row




I cant sleep/
Because these damn bleat-/
Ing fat sheep/
Harass me/
With thoughts of home everlasting/
They ask me/
If I'm doubting/
Whether I'll be happi-/
Er back there or out be-/
Ing the bad dream/
I've been to half the peop-/
Le I've known, just last week/
I slapped, beat/
Down three/
Annoying ass teens/
For laughing/
As I watched a movie slammed, beat/
After a savage week/
At work, I found these/
Hands swing-/
Ing grabbing/
Necks to gash and ring/
While attacking/
Panicking/
I stand, shriek/
And pass weak/
Guards, they cant catch me/
Tragedy/
Befalls actually/
Facts and brief/
Glass meet-/
Ings with a pastor week-/
Ly leaves me/
Seeking/
A deity/
To help free me/
But they keep me/
In this cage weeping/
Scheming/
To beat these/
Screws/
Loose/
Unleashing/
Rage when they leash me/
Up like a dog, deep things/
Run through my head underneath these/
Veins running varicose/
My demons seem/
To always be very close/
Air and smoke/
Are an errant joke/
The mirror p…
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Crystal Lake

Crystal Lake






I'm begging you to let me immolate/
This is straight/
From the heart because this inner pain/
Won't dissipate/
I'm lifting weights/
With every bitter day/
Because this hidden angst/
Fuck, it simply weighs/
Too much for me to mitigate/
What I'm feeling, to be alone, a risk to take/
I'm in a pickle late-/
Ly, as I sit and wait/
On a phone call from a certain little name/
That will never hit the stained/
Glass, so I rip and rage/
Against myself, against the strain/
Of this mistake/
And with that one, the ripples graze/
Across the surface of the crystal lake/
Of my mind, the crypt I lay/
In is of my own building, I fell in, tripped and splayed/
Out on the concrete/
All these/
Haunting/
Images come back to taunt me/
I'm wanting/
The past to arm me/
With calm things/
Palm me/
In your hand baby and stop me/
From washing/
Away these thoughts each/
Night with whiskey and oxy/
I'm falling/
Darkly/
Into the halls these/
Demons are walking/
Through, stalk…
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My Story Of Sexual Abuse

For J. Find peace.



The first time it happened was around the end of 1999. My Mom and my Aunt were busy prepping everything for the holidays, and my older cousin begged to babysit me. Looking back, though there was nothing that indicated what he would do to me, I now find it odd that he showed so much extra attention towards me. In the days prior, when all of the kids played whatever trivial games we dreamed up, he would go out of his way to ruin my fun. I remember one instance where we were playing Heads Up 7-Up or something similar, and though my head was down, he stopped the game and said that I was peeking at the other players, something banned by the rules. "No I didnt!", I protested. "Yeah you did, I seen you!", he'd reply mockingly. My two front teeth stuck out prominently due to a mix of bad genetics and awkward dental work, and I told one of my other cousins, in jest, that I'd gladly trade my teeth for hers. We laughed, until I heard him behind us.…
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