Originally posted in The Haven
Often, online and in the real world, Im pressed for fitness advice. Inquisitions abound regarding gaining muscle and burning fat, earning inches on your arms and shedding rolls from the mess a midsection has devolved into. Although a multi-billion dollar industry has sprung up around the pursuit of physical perfection, the indellible, stalwart facts remain the same, the King of which is this; This shit is embarassingly fucking simple.
As Ive stated before, I have no certifications, no fancy letters after my name that I purchased for a small fortune to bolster and cradle my own fragility. Instead, I, and the men and women I learned from, have something 95% of those posers lack: Experience. Sweating in the trenches, pushing through agonizing reps coagulating into excruciating sets, I can state confidently that my methods work. I can powerfully vouch for their efficacy because I live them daily. Find me a pretty boy trainer pumped up on anabolics that can state the same with a modicum of my conviction.
For Men: Over the course of several months, work up to 1000 military style pushups a day.
For Women: Over the course of several months, work up to 1000 ass to grass squats a day.
Both: Drink a gallon of water a day. Eat when hungry. Stop when satiated. Go for long walks or runs several times a week.
There. Your world was just eviscerated, correct? I know there may be protests and critiques, so, allow my to defend my position. The exercises, pushups and squats, are focused on one gender exclusively for basic, readily researchable physiological reasons. Remember and note, these programs arent meant to turn you into an Olympian. They WILL, however, grant you a superior base of strength, an admirably envious physique, and will generally accomplish the goals of their targets.
Most men I know could care less about how their asses look in a pair of jeans. Instead, we desire imposing, muscular arms with noticeable girth (lol), and a full, sculpted chest, capped with shoulders brimming with regality. High rep pushups deliver those in spades, as well as ripping up the midsection, thrashing the upper back, and torching fat throughout the body. Since men are naturally more upper body dominant in comparison to women, this simple program, gleaned from athletes like Herschel Walker, Masahiko Kimura, Woody Strode, and Charles Bronson, will bestow inhuman strength and a finely crafted build upon its adherents. Now hit the deck.
Back in 2010 I recall seeing an article from Women's Fitness that was placed squarely on the cover for everyone to regard. The topic was then FLOTUS Michelle Obama's arms and shoulders. Firm and solid, they were heralded as the new feminine mystique, and, quite honestly, regardless of your politics, even today, you have to respect her dedication to health. It was what followed closely behind the cover article that commmanded my attention however. Deposited right behind the main feature were three different tutorials on how to the ladies could exert and grunt their way to a tighter ass and appealing dancers legs. Youll notice a similar, if visually antithetical, phenomenon in Men's Fitness. One feature on squatting interspersed with a hilarious litany of arm, chest and shoulder expose's. Men and women are different, and, generally, due to our natural biological attraction switches that have evolved over several millenia, we want to sculpt our bodies in different ways. And, for the discerning Haven Woman that wants the ass of Jennifer Lopez paired with the legs of Carrie Underwood, there is no better beginning than a healthy dose of high rep squats. If youre at all nervous, you can rest assured that you have supreme, diehard support of every Man in this group.
These routines are by no means set in stone or an unevolving ritual meant to be performed unerringly. Fitness is self-expression in its most cardinal state, the molding of the muscles representing our much beloved acts of transformation and fulfillment. Allow them to serve as your parameters, your base, and your home. You, quite simply, cannot go wrong with high rep calisthenics. If you feel the need, you may supplement your training with other diversions. Do bicep curls, pull ups, crunches and kickbacks. But never stray from what works. Stay the path.
I know to a select few I may have committed athletic blasphemy by committing the last few paragraphs to paper, but now Im about to become a full blown, unapologetic heretic. Lets be honest with ourselves and state a fact; our generation is duly fucked financially and economically. Sure, all of us in The Haven undoubtedly have some sort of entrepreneurial endeavor percolating on the sidelines, in addition to our main source of income. But, when the tide breaks, money can be comparatively rare and abysmally scarce. There are logical, well thought out reasons as to why we obliterated the mold and refused to buy property, avoided debt, and were averse to marriage and family life. If you have that, I commend you, because for some of us your life an example of the light at the end of our strenuous tunnels, the shimmering, peerless crown jewel of our respective endgames. However, seeing as how this group is also brimming with seasoned PUA's, myself included, our goals will undoubtedly differ. Still, regardless of whether you're a family man or woman, a player with a dedicated harem, or just a college kid fresh to our delightfully enticing underworld, we all have been brutally educated by necessity as to why we must live frugally.
You dont need to waste money on organic, gluten free food to be healthy. Stow your pitchforks and assuage the fury radiating from your raging eyes. I dont care how many documentaries youve watched or examples youve witnessed. The all natural, farm fresh, succulent fruits, fibrous vegetables and tender meats we all salivate over are largely unnecessary. In the military we have a mandatory physical check up annually, as well as a dentist perusing our dentures, scraping and prodding with that accursed hook. Ive lived off of canned vegetables, my beloved raviolis, chuck beef, frozen chicken breast and hamburger meat, and marked down fruit for the past 5 years, and Im in perfect health. Stemming the tide of mainstream nonsense once again, not only can you exist sufficiently on a "mediocre diet", but you can excel on one. What matters is your training, your dedication to it and the consistency with which you pursue it. If you mix IF in there, youre golden. The bottom line is that, although the Farmer's Market fare is nutritious, it is also a boon on your wallet. You can buy the same shit at Wal-Mart for a fraction of the price. If you can comfortably afford it, have at it. But if not, stop burning money tithing at these faddish dens.
I know that there will obviously be members that will disagree with what Ive published here. Good, we need to hear multiple perspectives on this topic. Keep it clear but keep it civil.
Best regards Haven