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Awhile













Awhile





It's been awhile/
I said I'd write a/
Set of rhymes for/
Each day of the year, but I've let the time of/
Day bend and writhe a-/
Way from me/
Maybe these/
Deadened eyes of/
Mine could spend a night of/
Penning my love/
Down, spreading lies from/
Truths in a record I've spun/
Enter my trust/
Only to sever ties from/
The centerline of/
My expert crime run/
Isnt this den of life fun/
I recognized a/
Better dice club/
Rolling/
My soul needs/
The treasured vice of/
Gambling, it's my Western lifeblood/
The West that I've won/
Is metal, live from/
San Diego, read my rights cause/
I'm caught, upset and dried up/
An emotional sponge/
Going to love/
Eventually, but disposing of much/
Of the hope and the brush-/
Es he has with eloping a crush/
The moments enough/
To give in favor of these hoes and his lust/
Devoted and such/
A keeper he's a disposable crutch/
Only the touch/
Of reality could expose his destruct-/
ive ways, lonely and luck-/
Less/
But fuck it/
He's blowing it up/
Focused and done/
With withholding the stuff/
That ails him/
Wears thin/
And is exploding with such/
Glaring/
Tenacity he inhales it/
And notices one/
Thing blaring/
In the tailspin/
It dares him/
To hit weather in fairness/
And it pulls him abrupt/
Coldly it rubs/
And emboldens the one/
It affects to no longer fold up and run/
And to roast in the sun/
A rose with a bud/
Unnipped/
And unclipped/
Thrown and expunged/
Closing the rush/
Of the winds' of change notable gusts/
Opening flood/
Gates with a potent disgust/
Channeled through, my own fists, the guns/
Loaded to punch/
The world in its odious guts/
Because I'm not of it/
I've got something/
In me, a stark shutter/
Effect, the dark fumbling/
With the light, a harsh blunder/
A shadow, tarp thudding/
As it shifts, stop rustling/
In the parched thundering/
And start loving/
Myself, a hard wandering/
Vagabond, arms cupping/
My heart jutting/
From my chest cavity/
I guess cavalries/
Arent coming, I march under/
The influence of immense damaging/
The next famine these/
Ghosts I detest savagely/
Have for me/
Is coming, their depth hounding me/
Its fed shallowly/
But to me they're sent challenging/
My own sense of sanity/
My allergies/
To happy things/
Are coming back slamming me/
Act casually/
But always match salaries/
With the mask hampering/
Me as I hide this damn agony/
The man doubting me/
Is in the mirror, announced palpably/
I'm scratching these/
Aspects out/
Stamping out/
These demons with previously endowed alchemy/

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My Story Of Sexual Abuse

For J. Find peace.



The first time it happened was around the end of 1999. My Mom and my Aunt were busy prepping everything for the holidays, and my older cousin begged to babysit me. Looking back, though there was nothing that indicated what he would do to me, I now find it odd that he showed so much extra attention towards me. In the days prior, when all of the kids played whatever trivial games we dreamed up, he would go out of his way to ruin my fun. I remember one instance where we were playing Heads Up 7-Up or something similar, and though my head was down, he stopped the game and said that I was peeking at the other players, something banned by the rules. "No I didnt!", I protested. "Yeah you did, I seen you!", he'd reply mockingly. My two front teeth stuck out prominently due to a mix of bad genetics and awkward dental work, and I told one of my other cousins, in jest, that I'd gladly trade my teeth for hers. We laughed, until I heard him behind us.…