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Dying Star

I held you close and I held you tight. I felt your trembling body rock mine roughly as you wept your beautiful heart out recanting the ills of your past. A failed boyfriend, an attempted rape, the shame you felt. I assured you you were okay, that you werent broken or misaligned, your soul not tarnished or tattered. You were so gorgeous, and you knew it, adding arrogance to your potent charisma. But your unneeded, unfounded, baseless shame caused you to act loudly and judge broadly. You insulated yourself from fear, doubt and loneliness by sheer force of will. My captivating girl.

My grin broadened involuntarily as I beheld the magnificent flower opening and unfolding before me. Your girlish giggling, high-pitched and carefree, drove my heart to soliloquy, echoing my own innocence and naivete. Before seduction, before pickup, before the Ars Amorata. When I simply was and could be, and my fingers gracing those of a amazing girl provided all the profundity I needed to prove that God does exist. You poured your desire for more, your ambivalence towards the future, and your eclectic passions into my chalice of enrapturement. I drank deeply, fitfully, and willingly. Two bodies became one, dancing to the pulsating rhythm of syncopated heartbeats, and although my place will always be to stand guard, Id never felt safer than when your hair filled my nostrils, your head weighing heavily and lovingly on my chest.

Distance destroys, perforating the strongest, sturdiest sails and suffocating all that wishes to blossom and breathe. I watched you disappear, my light fading and leaving me to be smothered by an uncertain fog. Our courtship was a whirlwind, chaotic and incredible in its terror and ferocity. If we meet someday anong the remains, who knows, we could try again. Or we may nod and smile knowingly, thanking each other for the gift of compassion and understanding. The seashells we collected still make random appearances, neglecting to disappear completely. I can still hear the call of the ocean, the rolling of waves, and the beating heart of adventure when I press it to my ear. Now youre a dying star in the distance, guiding me to help me avoid tenuous seas and embrace the brief lulls in the chaotic oceans of life. But your absence caused the other stars hiding in the dark around you to reveal themselves. Theyre beckoning, and what kind of Sailor would I be if I didn't heed their call?

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I cant sleep/
Because these damn bleat-/
Ing fat sheep/
Harass me/
With thoughts of home everlasting/
They ask me/
If I'm doubting/
Whether I'll be happi-/
Er back there or out be-/
Ing the bad dream/
I've been to half the peop-/
Le I've known, just last week/
I slapped, beat/
Down three/
Annoying ass teens/
For laughing/
As I watched a movie slammed, beat/
After a savage week/
At work, I found these/
Hands swing-/
Ing grabbing/
Necks to gash and ring/
While attacking/
Panicking/
I stand, shriek/
And pass weak/
Guards, they cant catch me/
Tragedy/
Befalls actually/
Facts and brief/
Glass meet-/
Ings with a pastor week-/
Ly leaves me/
Seeking/
A deity/
To help free me/
But they keep me/
In this cage weeping/
Scheming/
To beat these/
Screws/
Loose/
Unleashing/
Rage when they leash me/
Up like a dog, deep things/
Run through my head underneath these/
Veins running varicose/
My demons seem/
To always be very close/
Air and smoke/
Are an errant joke/
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