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The Cold Approach

Writing is a cleansing of the soul. On mornings like this, San Diego stretches out excitably before me, tempting me with its promises of a better life, like it always has. Beautiful women, delicious food, and a bevy of social opportunities. Places like this are why I cultivated my skill set in the first place. The greatest casualty of my generation is the ability to strike up and hold a conversation. It’s a universal tool, a gateway to limitless experience. Too many drift through life existing, friendless and angry, all because they lack basic social ability. It needn’t be this way. There are many books and instructional manuals out in print, peppering the literary landscape amidst self help drivel. Too many are lost in the shuffle. When I was 17 and stricken with crippling social anxiety due to bullying and a general negative outlook on things, the book “How to Talk to Anyone”, by Leil Lowndes changed my life. The woman rescued me from an adulthood bereft of companionship and entertainment, all by illustrating a few basic techniques. From there, it was a natural evolution into PUA, public speaking, and salesmanship. Very few things in life are constant, but with even mediocre social ability, you guarantee yourself a steady stream of friends and romantic partners. That’s why I love this shit so much, it’s universal. Irrespective of religious creed, gender, sexuality, and even spoken and written language in some instances. An effective communicator speaks directly to the soul of whomever occupies their gaze at that time.

The Cold Approach: Few things in life are more intimidating than the prospect of speaking to a perfect stranger, much less manifesting a dynamic, spontaneous conversation seemingly out of nowhere. The trick lies in the fact that the connection, while spontaneous, isn't random. It’s not some case of sporadic luck, but rather fortuitous timing and diligent preparation. There are steps to this art, easily learned but never mastered, that will have the target or targets of your dialogue fawning over you, sides aching with laughter, spellbound by the enigmatic rogue that’s brought the pulse of life into their mundane day. When you’ve gained competency in the Cold Approach, you will intoxicate people with your potent charm. Of course, I am no mere salesman. I'm not in the business of peddling worthless wares that do nothing but motivate you and give you warm fuzzies, only to distract you from the fact that you're still impotent regarding your problems. The beauty of the Cold Approach is in its simplicity. You see somebody, walk up and strike up a conversation, and leave with the achievement you sought when you began. However, like all great arts and games, there is a vast underlying complexity created by an infinite number of variables that will only present themselves in the moment, seemingly exclusively when they provide you with the least benefit. These include loud ambience, a general bad vibe, rude interruptions from outside sources, disinterest, and so on, ad nauseum. You’ll learn how to spar, parry and overcome these issues through dedicated and repeated success, and failure, in the field. But it does no good to speak of demons when you don’t even know how to travel safely through the darkness.

Steps to the Cold Approach:
1. Find
2. Approach
3. Beguile
4. Obtain
5. Exit

As much as I’d like to say these simple steps are my own invention, they are not, nor are they in the sole propriety of any one person or group. This is the way human beings have interacted since humanity itself began. Meeting friends or mates is the most natural process imaginable. What complicates it is us, with our powerful minds and unceasing logic. We’re bombarded daily by negative images and messages. “She’ll turn you down”, “You’re not attractive enough”, “You’re stupid”, etc. All illusory and fleeting, weak affirmations with no basis in reality. Constantly on the defense towards this cerebral onslaught, you never stop to realize that your worst enemy is you. The 5 steps are simple to execute, the easiest thing imaginable. You were literally designed to perform these as a matter of course. What holds you back is you. You can overcome your self-doubt and negative self-talk. But that’s the topic of another post. The next few entries will be elaborations on each step. Until then, stay strong and be humble.

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