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Crystal Lake

Crystal Lake






I'm begging you to let me immolate/
This is straight/
From the heart because this inner pain/
Won't dissipate/
I'm lifting weights/
With every bitter day/
Because this hidden angst/
Fuck, it simply weighs/
Too much for me to mitigate/
What I'm feeling, to be alone, a risk to take/
I'm in a pickle late-/
Ly, as I sit and wait/
On a phone call from a certain little name/
That will never hit the stained/
Glass, so I rip and rage/
Against myself, against the strain/
Of this mistake/
And with that one, the ripples graze/
Across the surface of the crystal lake/
Of my mind, the crypt I lay/
In is of my own building, I fell in, tripped and splayed/
Out on the concrete/
All these/
Haunting/
Images come back to taunt me/
I'm wanting/
The past to arm me/
With calm things/
Palm me/
In your hand baby and stop me/
From washing/
Away these thoughts each/
Night with whiskey and oxy/
I'm falling/
Darkly/
Into the halls these/
Demons are walking/
Through, stalk…
Recent posts

Done

Done








8 years ago today I spent the night at the Doubletree Hotel in Sacramento, CA, en route to RTC Great Lakes. I left behind a lucrative career at Wal-Mart unloading trucks, my pursuit of a degree in literally nothing at Solano Community College, and a girlfriend that would later hate me for not dressing like one of the little bitches so common in K-Pop videos (srs). Throughout my tenure in the Navy I fought, did Handstand Pushups, and had my personal space violated repeatedly by deranged, insane men and women that would become the best friends I'd ever known. In the Persian Gulf, I went to throw up in a toilet that was already backed up and filled to the brim with shit, causing me to spew forth twice the expected amount of vomit. I became known as Bitch Hands, a name I still answer to from San Diego, Califronia to Manama, Bahrain. I passed out drunk in public parks, on the shores of forgotten beaches, and the manicured lawns of the estranged friends of acquaintances I barely k…

Drunken Diary

Drunken Diary






I remember reading about Dave Draper, the great bodybuilder from the fabled Muscle Beach era.

After retiring from active competition in his mid-twenties, he settled in California, far from his native New Jersey.

Considering that it's on the East Coast, I fully support his decision, since I've never known anyone who wasn't from there to relocate to the area permanently.

He took to indulging his second passion. woodworking, with the same fervor he once employed to build his magnificent physique.

It led to a profitable career that afforded him a prosperous life.

He also, ignominiously enough, became an alcoholic.

Getting through his days with a bottle of wine ever present by his side, he'd work at his adopted hobby turned vocation.

Weed was also a constant companion.

Still, he never gave up his training, which is what I admire about him chiefly, rivaled only by his command of English and the written word.

He'd report to his garage daily, completing a pr…

Devilish Angel

Devilish Angel





Every night I dream/
Of buying drinks/
In Waikiki/
You sitting right with me/
On a barstool, sliding free-/
Ly into Long Island teas/
And extra iced tequi-/
La, rocks, lightly gleam-/
Ing, our plight, it seems/
So far off, because the bridal winks/
And unrivaled slings/
Of your arm in mine make me the unrivaled King/
Of our entire shrink-/
Ing world, time, it seems/
Would pry and wheeze/
To try and slink/
Through our 2 person pride and sting/
But it was denied, its weak-/
Ness thrown away, to ride and be/
Banished on the tides and sleek/
Hawaiian breeze/
The Piper sings/
And we know that either leads/
To the title or deed/
To a house, private springs/
Of rejuvenating isles, each/
Morning, I'll write the scene/
With my own vibrant ink/
Pour my heart out to unite our links/
Those previously lonely walks/
I was the ghost that haunt-/
Ed the strip, closing off/
Any opportunity with encroaching walls/
Around my soul and heart/
I'd grown to call/
My hole a spot/
It w…

He Is Risen

He Is Risen





I came to You as a cocky teenager/
With appalling deep sancti-/
Fied wrong beliefs making/
Me not think safer/
I was lost, beat, angry/
At all these beasts anchor-/
Ing me safely/
In defeat, hatred/
And unclean angles/
Caught, He leaned, raised me/
From harsh deceit claiming/
To be steady as rocks, these feet aching/
In the desert parched, I received grace He/
Indeed saved me/
I ceased breaking/
The laws He deemed greater/
Then my heart's bleating nature/
Christ's arms weakly shaking/
As he hung strong, breathing wavering/
On the cross, preaching bravely/
Before God, pleading blatant/
"Father they know not", these themes changed me/
From a rotting link chaining/
Myself to thoughts that keep me slaving/
For wrong reasons, praise Je-/
Sus for the promise He made me/
And the evil I'm delivered from/
This is one/
Of those times I'm crippled from/
The fissures rupt-/
Uring in my fickle stom-/
Ach, You picked me up/
Made me your unfinished son/
No long…

Reservoir

Reservoir





I wake up, and then reach/
Across my bedsheets/
My arm feels heavy/
As it crashes empty/
My head thinks/
Something's wrong, I'm upset, blink-/
Ing back distressing/
Feelings pulling me to the end, sleep/
Then leaves/
And I'm wrestling/
With another morning without the best thing/
In my life, best friend, re-/
Newal of soul, with trembling/
Lonely lips/
I blow a kiss/
To the ghost that lives/
In my heart, set free/
From all but our happy ending/
Floating swift/
On a moaning wind/
Made of tears and clothed in missed/
Days in paradise, cozy, vict-/
Orian and pouring mixed/
Drinks as boats and ships/
Rode the drift-/
Ing currents, a potent sim-/
Ilarity to us/
It was rare of me to fuss/
Over one girl, I went from carrying the brunt/
Of the world on my shoulders, a pair of evil stumps/
To cherishing the love/
You gave me, the clarity and trust/
Was barely even a/
Concept, a fairy tale with dust/
That choked the air I breathed and sucked/
In, you were my therapist and…

Fortune

Fortune





Today the past reasserted/
Itself, sneaky vermin/
It seems the world is/
Falling when I think I'm perfect/
Hit my knees and purchase/
Another sleeve of burden/
The scenes I burn them/
Everytime they come and beat my worth in/
I didnt need or deserve this/
But you bequeathed this curse, this/
Demon lurking/
In the dark, the same as the seasons twirl and/
Pass through/
I ask you/
Was it even worth it/
Because you've been defeated, interred and/
I still cant seem to purge this/
Bleakness, curb it/
It stinks and moves with/
Darkness, inky fluid/
Creepy nuisance/
This isn't evening news, it's/
Common, believe me, you just/
Dont know my deepest, truest/
Thoughts when I'm eager, stupid/
To hurt a weak and useless/
Sleeping student/
Of how to fail at life, to live for the weekend's soothing/
Mix of tequila, booze and/
Weed and boosting/
Your confidence/
By talking shit/
To your woman everytime she's walking in/
Then leaves the room with/
Another beaming br…