Skip to main content

Remembrance

This corpse is bloated/
Ive known the growth that/
Ive taken on is more than Id hoped when/
Id left home, forlorn and torn with/
My heart in too many places/
Erase this/
Past and restore my home when/
I returned alive/
Just to find/
The past had died/
And Id/
Be scorned and so pissed/
A decision born in moments/
When I could barely form the focus/
To make a decision/
I dismissed it/
Her love was eaten in a swarm of locusts/
I swore Id hold it/
My heart before the war had froze it/
Ive poured this old shit/
Out of my soul/
Back in control/
But soulless/
And now Im so pissed/
My love Ive thrown it/
Out but closure/
Wont come cause this blowing/
Wind breeze/
Skinning me/
Literally/
Leers at me/
Fucker you chose this/
Im like a sophist/
Nothing exists but me so I know that/
If I keep moving/
And see the sewing/
Of something new then I can own it/

A drifting freak/
Listlessly/
Trying to fill the void you had to dig in me/
Despicably/
Youre ripping these/
Attempts up as I sit up weak/
Religiously/
I kill the dreams/
Like propoganda/
A stalking phantom/
Lost and dragging/
Me along unwillingly/
I snip the strings/
In my heart connecting to me to all your/
Critiques of what my faults were/
I walk forward/
And destroy your stalwart/
Lost form/
Cut loose off shore/
And as our vessel finally sinks/
I cry and blink/
Away the tears because Ill always think/
Of your time with me/
As blindingly/
Bright to me/
Im flying free/
Finally/
No longer trifling/
Over needless crimes that we/
Accused each other of frighteningly/
But if I can see/
The horizon then I can breathe/
Silently/
My air no longer labored/
By the encumbering anger/
Of our love, an infant strangled/
In its manger/
And later/
When the pain has/
Ebbed and abated/
Ill be waiting/
For the day that/
This hatred/
Will appear again so I can face it/

So youve come to visit me in my new life/
I knew Id/
Make this acquaintance again, please, come through my/
Improved sights/
So I can see how youve grown too/
I know you/
Wonder about me sometimes, cause both shown who/
We really our in our absence/
And the fact is/
What happened/
Wasnt as tragic/
As we thought it was when it captured/
You in renewal/
And me in the loop of/
Depression/
Apprehension/
Regression/
Then acceptance/
Im refrshed and/
Weve proven/
That the youth that/
We dedicated to each other was useful/
The truth is/
Part of me will always long for our Suisun/
The Gino that you knew/
Is so far removed from/
The angsty kid/
You saved with crisp/
Love in the swoop of/
Your purity/
I furiously/
Had to pursue you/
We moved through/
Those stages with grace as I seduced you/
But you do/
Things that Im still not used to/
Your wind blew through/
My heart and right in you moved/
And who knew/
If the path Id choose threw/
You into hysterics/
But youd grin and bear it/
Even if its tearing/
Right through you/
Just like that I was gone too soon/

But if I have perfect hindsight/
Then I might/
Recite my/
Lessons learned/
I bled and worked/
Hard for these, so fuck you if you find my/
Revelations harsh/
The change I brought/
To myself defines my/
Personality/
The worst is out of me/
So be happy we/
Both missed out on a wild ride/
Because in the solitude/
I fought the truth/
For so long that it stopped and drew/
Its gun and said no more talking shrew/
Hit me and poured knowledge through/
My mottled bruised/
Pride and walked me through/
How strong I am/
Ive slaughtered stress/
At uncharted depths/
While under constant view/
The coddled mess/
I was was dropped and kept/
Me on the deck/
So I could dodge the nonsense noose/
Cause when you carry the/
Barriers/
Out at sea on a carrier/
You get wearier/
When the ships rocking, its scarier/
Then anything youve seen, but not if you/
Go out in the middle of the night and ask why isnt the water blue/
As suicide/
Runs through your mind/
And you remind/
Yourself that youre the pilot groomed/
For survival/
You thrive on/
The nights song/
And rely on you/
Solely/
You only/
Record these/
Thoughts if theyre positive, cause you alone are defining you/
So fuck negativity/
Theres a will in me/
That fears no tyranny/
Emotional or near to me/
Because its not real to me/
Ill conquer/
As long as/
I never falter/
In my resolve and prosper/
I havent forgot her/
So I thank you/
For making me face you/
Face truth/
Head on and reclaim youth/
It takes two/
To break doom/
Down, Ive see the worst in me/
And adversity/
I crave it/
I tame it/
So search for me/

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Return To The Field

How often must I remain here? I must have died unexpectedly, and my wandering spirit, aura thick with malevolence and anguish, refuses to acknowledge my own death. Indeed, I have become a ghost, cursed to haunt diners, coffeeshops, bars and beaches, pen brandished and book unsheathed. I've grown so distant from others that Im more statue than Man, yet where this separation once stung painfully, it now soothes reassuringly. Lumped in with a generation of "men" with testosterone levels lower than a woman's would be 30 years ago, and forced to make due with "women" that proudly proclaim themselves sluts and will actually attempt to fistfight men if they are ignored and eschewed, as they should be, my sentiment is clear. I want no part of this generation. It's filthy and degraded.

You could say I'm living a daydream right now, a fantasy granted the breath of life by divine providence. How many shifts at work have I frittered away contemplating the perf…

The Terrace

I never imagined that I'd be writing this here in Hawaii of all places. I was the kid who wasted his potential, the wunderkind that sullied his genius through the pursuit of prestige and neglect, the prodigy that nearly failed out of high school pitifully. Now, a little over 3 weeks from my 26th birthday, Ive stepped back to reflect, as anyone of above average meaning and consciousness is apt to do. At 17, I would fantasize about traveling the country playing cards, busking, guitar firmly in hand, and writing, producing a sustainable living with my words. Less than a decade later, Ive made $1000 in less than a week off of an investment of $100 in the poker rooms of San Diego, had my poetry published in a variety of online magazines, and have recorded music with independent artists in 3 different states. Ive traveled the world and been inducted into the famed Order of Magellan. In short, Ive done everything my detractors deemed outside of my reach. If this seems self-aggrandizing, …

My Path In Physical Culture: Part 1

Unlike a growing contingent of “athletes” obsessed with efficiency at the expense of results and productivity, I love to train. In fact, I fucking LIVE to train. The understated ease yet enjoyable difficulty and toil that comes with increasing your work capacity, refining a previously intimidating technique, perfecting the firing of your neuromuscular proficiencies, and simply pumping your limbs full of blood until they are close to bursting all amalgamate to form a potent cocktail that will forever remain unmatched and unsurpassed by any narcotic or liquor. In my opinion, it even beats the height of orgasm at times. Arnold said it first, so by default it can’t be wrong.



                                                             The King has spoken.

It is both the bane and the blessing of every bodybuilder’s existence. It can leave you unfathomably sore and crippled with DOMS after the ecstasy of the experience has subsided, yet, in the moment, you can feel as if you have the body…