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Current Progress








"I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all."

-General James "Mad Dog" Mattis







Current Training:

20 EMOM 6X20 Handstand Pushups

Boxing Training: 3x3 minutes Heavybag
                                3x2 minutes Speedbag

More fucking Handstand Pushups







Little in the way of dieting.

I'd attempted the Keto Diet and lasted 3 days before I wanted to slit my throat with a rusty butter knife.

Some bodybuilders crafted incredible physiques on a diet of Steak, Eggs and Cottage Cheese, while others ate nominal amounts of carbohydrates and kept their protein high.

Oatmeal, egg whites, brown rice, and grilled chicken were the staples here.

This shit is basic.

But not easy.

Prioritize protein, choose compound movements over single joint ones, and train 4-5 times a week.

I'll see you there.

XCII


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My Story Of Sexual Abuse

For J. Find peace.



The first time it happened was around the end of 1999. My Mom and my Aunt were busy prepping everything for the holidays, and my older cousin begged to babysit me. Looking back, though there was nothing that indicated what he would do to me, I now find it odd that he showed so much extra attention towards me. In the days prior, when all of the kids played whatever trivial games we dreamed up, he would go out of his way to ruin my fun. I remember one instance where we were playing Heads Up 7-Up or something similar, and though my head was down, he stopped the game and said that I was peeking at the other players, something banned by the rules. "No I didnt!", I protested. "Yeah you did, I seen you!", he'd reply mockingly. My two front teeth stuck out prominently due to a mix of bad genetics and awkward dental work, and I told one of my other cousins, in jest, that I'd gladly trade my teeth for hers. We laughed, until I heard him behind us.…

Death Row

Death Row




I cant sleep/
Because these damn bleat-/
Ing fat sheep/
Harass me/
With thoughts of home everlasting/
They ask me/
If I'm doubting/
Whether I'll be happi-/
Er back there or out be-/
Ing the bad dream/
I've been to half the peop-/
Le I've known, just last week/
I slapped, beat/
Down three/
Annoying ass teens/
For laughing/
As I watched a movie slammed, beat/
After a savage week/
At work, I found these/
Hands swing-/
Ing grabbing/
Necks to gash and ring/
While attacking/
Panicking/
I stand, shriek/
And pass weak/
Guards, they cant catch me/
Tragedy/
Befalls actually/
Facts and brief/
Glass meet-/
Ings with a pastor week-/
Ly leaves me/
Seeking/
A deity/
To help free me/
But they keep me/
In this cage weeping/
Scheming/
To beat these/
Screws/
Loose/
Unleashing/
Rage when they leash me/
Up like a dog, deep things/
Run through my head underneath these/
Veins running varicose/
My demons seem/
To always be very close/
Air and smoke/
Are an errant joke/
The mirror p…

Skin

Skin






After I was molested/
I'd come to know whether/
Or not I would be broke, festering/
Or if my sole pleasure/
Would be to not choke every/
Time he came around, I was so sheltered/
By the cold weather/
That love wouldn't clothe severed/
Limbs, amputated/
After patient/
Dancing, waiting/
For the foreboding entrance/
Of arose questions/
Like why'd you do it/
Were you alright through it/
Whyd you hide truth when/
I cried, rumin-/
Ating on the times, rooms and/
Denied clueless-/
Ness on these kinds of movements/
A child zoomed a-/
Way from quite ruthless-/
Ly, and to my students/
Studying these words, I'm the light proving/
You can/
Survive too if/
You dig deep and slice, booming/
Your voice, cause I've used it/
To strengthen myself, the tide's boosting/
Me up, and if you write to me/
I'm happy saying/
That I'm saving/
Others from suicide, through these/
Lines clueing/
You into divine music/
And to my detractors/
Reacting/
In deep packs of/
Steep madness…