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Wistful









Wistful



When the dust has settled/
And my trust in self or/
Nothing better/
Has been disgruntled, left for/
Busted, dead or/
Plunged, dismembered/
A husk, a mention/
Of what the semblance/
Of this never/
Fucking ending/
Thing was when pressure/
Wasnt fester-/
Ing above it, weather/
Thundering every/
Time the ruffled feathers/
Of our beloved elders/
Was called to cull the brevi-/
Ty we're done with, better/
Things are coming for this humbled veteran/
But then I see her wondrous splendor/
The pulse of blessing/
With her, in all those afternoons/
With standing room/
On avenues/
In Waikiki, captured smooth/
In photos, relax and view/
The magic mov-/
Ing, through these/
Trampling zooms/
To catchy tunes/
Like Frances, Tu-/
Pac, Brantley, boom-/
Ing bass for my attractive muse/
And attitudes/
Enflamed like acne grew/
On a teenage face, two rascals lewd-/
Ly, laughing, cruising/
Down the blue/
Water with no aptitude/
Or  care for when they crash, deluge-/
S are a fruitless/
Nuisance/
When their uses/
Are hacked in two/
I'm on the permanent vacation/
I yearned for when fake placements/
Of my time wouldnt placate me/
As I worked and the day's wasted/
Worse I'd just made changes/
Perched with this rage claiming/
Me, worrying, stayed vacant/
Nearly 8 maven/
Years kept me insane, acres/
And miles of plains aching/
To be plowed by my words, arranged sacred/
Lakes, bays and/
Water ways waving/
As I stayed praying/
At the shoreline for a strange break in/
To try in vain, save me/
From these beige banks and/
Let me be brave, namely/
With pen and paper, weights and/
What I'm good at, not this wage slavery/
I'm stake claiming/
Through the heart of this vampire, shame, hatred/
And disdain, favoring/
Instead praise and blazing/
Ahead with my face shaking/
In the breeze, enclaves bracing/
For impact, I'm paid daily/
By my angst waning/
And the shade making/
For the dark, the final bane quaking/
So I'll just train, praying/
That the daybreaking/
Will stop these charades main mem-/
Bers of our brood remain playing/
But I still dream/
Of Ill things/
Drifting/
Off into the night like a quick scream/
Misty/
Eyed and giving/
My all with these/
Gifts He/
Wished me/
To have, I'm simply/
Wistful/

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Haunting this countertop/ Wondering how could all/ This go bad and walk/ Away from us, the patterns caught/ On repetition in my life, absent thought/ A coward's plot/ To brandish false/ Hope and manage slots/ Left over from the branch that rots/ Away, the old adage copped/ As an excuse, wrath of God/ Plant your balk-/ -ing seeds and stand and walk/ Because you are my spectre/ And I'm stressing/ Out over the time left in/ Our dying ending/ The price mentioned/ Was too much, so I write, wept in/ Quiet, bet this/ Life's questions/ Won't answer why settling/ Down defied convention/ My best friend/ You'll soon fly, stretching/ Our hearts like vested/ Lives destined/ To find remnants/ Of each other in every girl or guy messed with/ And getting over you/ Is akin to choking booze/ Down and moping through/ My days, hopeless, nude/ Vulnerable, emotions bruised/ Soaked in blue/ Feelings, morose and gloom/ My heart poured into/ Every poem proof-/   -read at a bar, alone, enthus