Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2019

Reprieve From The March

Reprieve From The March




Life is busy, and as a consequence so are we.

At this moment, I'm sipping my eponymous tea from my mason jar at Surfer's Coffee.

It's my last day off before trudging back to the slave grind.

In reality, the job isn't that bad, but it doesn't stimulate me.

I lack the natural aptitude required to excel amongst my peers in this field, and as such have willfully resigned myself to a perpetual mediocrity.

In several books on the US Navy SEALs, the authors speak admiringly of the highly exalted Gray Man.

He is the Sailor physically and technically savvy enough to perform admirably but adequately, whilst possessing the required restraint to blend in effortlessly with the rest of the group.

The key, they cautioned, was to act with enough finesse to remain invisible, yet simultaneously with enough skill to meet the standard.

This seems to be the goal of my life lately, to contribute sufficiently enough to the group to meet the baseline, yet somehow …

The Present Of The Present

The Present Of The Present





Being transparent, truly honest and upfront with oneself, takes tremendous bravery.

We've all got skeletons, rattling and dusty, occupying our already maxed out closets. You dont need further clutter complicating an already chaotic internal life.

Sit with a pen and pad, and begin to compose some free verse.

Whether your own vocabulary is as vast as uncharted space or limited, constraining you like a prisoner under lockdown, is irrelevant

These are sentences that will never see the light of day, and are often meant to be burned, pulped, or shredded.

Pour your heart out, unabridged and uninhibited. Unburden yourself of your troubles.

A breakup, abuse of all flavors, guilt over past misdeeds, imagined or verified.

Nothing is off limits.

Don't aim for a specific word count, as this is self led healing, not a term paper or essay meant for compensation.

Scrawl, scribble and scribe, for this isnt calligraphy, it's bluntness.

Often, were completely unaw…

Blessings From Bordeaux

Blessings From Bordeaux







Sometimes I stare at this page and have no idea what to put.

The words spewing forth from my forced fingers are veritable vomit, the writing equivalent of going through the motions.

I liken it to a 5 A.M. workout.

There are certain mornings where no matter how hard you will it, your body simply refuses to rouse, and you are its prisoner, your infalliable, indomitable spirit imprisoned by by meager flesh and hollow, rattling bone.

Yet, by some divine miracle, you manage to heft your wretched carcass from its comforting coffin. You have work to do, you realize, and your eternal rest is several decades away.

You must punch the clock.

Your dawn training can take many forms, dependent entirely on passion and personal proclivities.

Perhaps you'll chase the sun as it rises with you, shaken from a dormant slumber by its age old duties.

The weight pile may sing to you, and you eagerly anticipate the sting of ancient rust and cold steel ripping your fresh calluses f…

Nights At The Apollo

Nights At The Apollo




"Sit down, my boy.", he'd say relaxed, contentment and happiness spilling over in his tone like rain from a windowsill.

I'd settle in to a leather chair and watch as the sun disappeared behind a lavender horizon, winking at me brightly in various lively hues before absconding for the evening.

I'd observe him like a student before his master as he'd carefully select a CD from his well worn plastic attache case. It was a veritable armory of ageless music; Swing, Blues, both American Southern and Chicano, Jazz and Big Band.

My Grandfather played rhythm guitar in a band during his youth, wielding a Gibson ES335, its body ponderous and cherry red as a pin-up girl's lipstick.

He'd perform deftly, his fingers moving with the smooth choreography of a true professional. Eventually, the twin realities of career necessity and a burgeoning family brought an end to his strutting onstage, but he never relinquished his musicality.

That night, n…

Scattered Thoughts And Musings

Scattered Thoughts And Musings



Cradling you in my arms was akin to holding my heart within the confines of my chest.

With each steady, rhythmic beat, both yours and mine, combined and syncopated, I relaxed, our breathing gradually and comfortably falling into a graceful stride.

Swans sailing softly over the surface of a serene pond, two doves joined majestically in flight, bonded by a twin route unseen but felt, not instructed but instinctual.

Your hair plumed and billowed out florally, artfully unkempt and uncommonly beautiful.Controlled chaos, the staining of glass with the nectar of the Earth.

Silently, I beheld your skin, smooth and unsullied, the twin product of judicious application of lotion post-shower and Nature's flawless design. If my own is roughened, callused and worn, then yours is inviting, delicate and luxurious, unmolested by the devastation of life.

Your body is a vast savannah, filled with wondrous landscapes and packed with miraculous terrain.

Your valleys flo…

The Desert

The Desert



Dry air in a normally humid climate is not conducive to a strong immune system. The shock is sudden and violent on an unseen level, I'm sure.

I never thought I'd suffer from stifling congestion and repetitious fits of coughing while stationed in Hawaii, but I was proven wrong recently.

As I pen this, my throat, though healed and no longer reacting in an incendiary manner when forced to swallow, is as arid and barren as the Mojave.

My chest is harboring a veritable barricade of mucus, and each pill I pop, in hues of rose red, ocean blue and grass green, chip away at bricks of the stubborn, phlegmatic stowaways.

My nose is on the brink of suicide, and breathing in coats each gust of air with a Welcome Aboard package of sandpaper and gravel.

In short, I'm fucked.

Yesterday I spent half the evening limping around wincing, my side cramped by an invisible knife, present and piercing, jostling with each aching step.

Save for a few meandering sets and reps performed to…

Come Whatever May

Come Whatever May



Coming back to the page, blank and grimacing, after a layoff can be daunting.

I'm sitting here with a mason jar filled with my eponymous tea, dreading the approach of my night shift.

The world has, for the briefest of moments, forgotten my existence, and I'm eager to remain anonymous.

Why are there so few hours in our days?

I know that the answer is that, since the very nature of life is fleeting and instantaneous, we must infuse our moments with passion, vigor and relentless progress.

But right now I'm too stubborn, and yes, weak, to accept what I'd long ago regarded as carved in stone.

The sun is beginning to set, ushering in the beginning of a rambunctious evening. There are shots to take, conversations to make, and relationships, both established and burgeoning, to embrace.

Books beg to be devoured, and gymnastics beckon to me, eager to be practiced, owned and embodied.

I instead, will spend my night in shackles, enslaved to a cubicle, and though…

A PSA To My 3 Fans

Hello to my 3 ardent, loyal followers (I love you Mom)! In all seriousness, Justin Razor And The World, though a personal passion project, began reverently enough. Fresh off deployment and fueled by aimless angst birthed by problems I was unaware I harbored, I wrote extensively. Anyone that truly knows me knows that, at my core and if nothing else, I am a writer. As such, extensive journaling, whether physically or electronically, has been a lifelong habit. Cripplingly shy yet perpetually talkative, I was a study in convolution and paradoxes. Sitting at a bar one night in San Diego drinking tea, because I'm a fucking badass, I had just finished penning "Dying Star", a free verse poem about a girl I briefly knew in Coronado. Following the unerring support and relentless bitching of a blessed friend who will remain anonymous at her own behest, I purchased the domain name, birthed in Dubai while devouring kebobs consisting of naught but lamb and beef. I realized that, even…

The L Word

The L Word



So breathless/
You're coquettish/
I know lessons/
Learned in the past grow tender/
In my mind, but close reference/
Will slow questions/
About this show, let's just/
Let nature/
Take her/
Lead and sew tempting/
Odes, guesses/
You're rose scented/
I noticed when swift-/
Ly you glowed steady/
Past me, awoke, deafened/
As I dozed, rested/
Reality broke, rendered/
Me alone, reckoned/
I'd goad a semblance/
Of hope restless/
From you, a joke, pensive/
But when you spoke, blessings/
Poured endless/
From your lips, a grove treasured/
With gold petals/
Fallen from cozy nestled/
Flowers, a moan, pleasured/
By old memor-/
Ies, low embers/
As the smoke settles/
You said I was a mirage, transient/
Here, gone, ambient/
"This feels wrong", you said, grabbing at/
Me, a kiss caught, happiness/
Is ours, laughing and/
Singing, lift off, crashing in/
To mixed stars, antsy and/
Quick I'll smash these threats/
To our hidden spot, gravity/
Wont dissolve passionate/

Puritan

Puritan




I see long strolls/
On lost scrolls/
I've read, absolved, cold/
But not bored/
Of the hot scorn/
I've earned, chalk pours/
Down its scarred board/
From harsh boor-/
Ish rains that mopped floors/
Clean and halted chores/
Calm before/
The stalled storm/
My parched soul/
It's caused more/
Than a heart torn/
Apart for/
No reason other/
Than a deeper cut for/
A creeping dusty/
Harp's chord/
My star's warm/
And you're all warned/
That these cards shorn/
From a fleeting custom/
Are beating up the/
Tall, short/
And tarred, hoarse/
Dark horse/
Starched, coarse/
And marked floral/
Though I sound a tad redundant/
But I had to punch this/
Active running/
Mouthy fucker/
In the back to summit/
This mountain, lunch is/
Tasting sweeter/
Make defeat a/
Fountain rushing/
To the surface, get lashed and blunted/
Ashes flushed in/
To the floor, savage lunging/
Towards the outer drudger-/
Y, asking, wondering/
Why the past is thundering/
Acid, stomach/
Seems to be reacting …

Mexican Standoff

Mexican Standoff



I'm often dreaming/
And lost in scheming/
That obnoxiously/
Slaughters these/
Softer scenes and/
All this bleak/
Emotion topples me/
But talk is cheap/
So living tropically/
Was the best medicine/
For an indefenite/
Amount of time, sentencing/
Me to hollow leanings/
Locks and keys sing/
Through the Autumn's breezy/
Air, harshly clinking/
Together, washing, cleaning/
My sorrowful evening/
Constant leaving/
After polishing these/
Admonished three things/
Called years, I'll astonish deeper/
Opportunities/
Pawned off you and me/
Moss on jewelry/
Is caught proving me/
Wrong for cluelessly/
Moving on from choosing these/
Awful prudences/
That stop me brutally/
Stalking stupid things/
Haunting booths and re-/
Minding myself in a hostile usurping/
Of my cautious movements, these/
Topics fooling me/
Are a novice oozing genes/
That rocket newer things/
Up to my pockets, Uber eats/
Of logic, shrooms and E/
Hydroponics, putrid leaves/
Are talking through to me/
Appal…

Suburbia

Suburbia




Promiscuity/
Is not that new to me/
Were lost and foolishly/
Caught refusing these/
Bits of truth, coddled, useless we/
Fought refusing these/
Feelings, now I'm on top, a movie scene/
The plot, you and me/
Lost, moving, we/
Are locked, groove in sync/
Hearts move to beats/
Set by the partner, soothing cream/
You first, I'm not the losing team/
Art, removing these/
Starched, bluish sheets/
And all sleuthery/
To find the mark, prove to me/
That this is worth staying for/
You claim the war/
Inside my head is baiting your/
Maternal instincts, patience born/
Of an unwavering force/
With ancient scores/
To settle with me/
Definitely/
Repaying for/
My scathing scorn/
I get anxious, bored/
And bathe in more/
Filthy waters, nascent core/
Ideals can't tame me anymore/
Than a shade has torn/
Cascading warmth/
Away from my aching form/
When I'm laying dole-/
Ful under its shadow, untainted old/
Ideals/
Might feel/
Different, gaining cords/
That act as heartstrings/
To ca…

Shadowed Beaches

Shadowed Beaches



Out of your shadow/
The hurt, shallow/
Curt mouth of/
Love disturbs and glows/
With the burn of damned coals/
I learn and grow/
But the firm hand so/
Present/
Is clever/
And works fast so/
I swerve, gallop/
Towards the birth slandered/
By your Earth, stand broke/
And churn malleable/
I'm sure candor/
Could light obscure candles/
With mirth found low/
In the dirt, hands o-/
Ver come by ferns, tramples/
Underneath/
So come to me/
And earn power/
Germs answer/
When I search faster/
For pure rapture/
I cure phantoms/
With demure outlooks/
And purge dandruff/
From the worst after/
Effects of my thoughts, lurch outward/
Because independence/
Between this obsession/
And me is reflecting/
A listless trek in-/
Ward/
So this pers-/
On could figure lessons/
Out for himself, youthful indiscretions/
I'm quick to mention/
Cause sick resentment/
Except they're not pictures capturing/
Me digging depths with/
Missing trenches/
The missiles headed/
Towards me are figments …

Broken In Two

Broken In Two




My mirror is cracking/
Veneer is crackling/
With the sheer ecstatic/
Electricity neither here or passed when/
My fear, it traps me/
A clear enrapture/
With the wheels of bastard/
Thoughts that keep me feeling damned for/
No reason, I hear disasters/
In the clearest pastures/
Cheering after/
I smear my actual/
Name with sneers and bad words/
Austere and dashing/
Underneath this peerless fascist/
Anxiety, it's dreary, scattering/
Me across the searing land of/
Hell, my queries capture/
The mere attachments/
I harbor towards the dearest answers/
The stillness ravaged/
A silly trap for/
A kneeling Cancer/
Incarcerated/
By the constant hatred/
Levied at himself, a walk I'm fated/
To march in slavery/
Until the end of these arduous days in/
Purgatory/
It hurts to warn these/
Perfect torches/
I carry while nauseous, tainted/
Only in my mind, but not forsaken/
Watch the pavement/
Its tarred and layed with/
Carnage breaking/
Down the walls I raised in/
A dark mistaken/
H…

Fickle Moon

Fickle Moon



I know this may lack logic/
I'm too damn honest/
And cant often/
Keep a bland promise/
Take my hand, walk with/
Me and understand problems/
Come with me like leaves smashed, fallen/
Underfoot in a damp Autumn/
I grab often/
At the dark for a lamp stalking/
Me, begging for the light like a plant starving/
A man carves is/
Place out with ants crawling/
All over him/
But I've chosen this/
Life, and the mad mauling/
That I know exists/
And will always land haunting/
Me, I cant follow/
The lamb's slaughter/
Cause I'll laugh dropping/
Exposing this/
Lack of ownership/
Over this/
Floating rift/
Closing in/
On me, I hear the chants starting/
About how I make no sense/
And you hate those men/
That claim broken/
Status/
Out of habit/
Only to chase those checks/
Straight to wrecks/
I make you stressed/
But you love to awake and flex/
In my arms, painful stretch/
Aches and tremb-/
Ling limbs, tracing deft/
Across my gainful chest/
Baby lets/
Tame old pets/
Inhaling je…